Pointless Premiership Predictions!

Alexander Nathan & Jack Yang discuss their predictions ahead of this weekend's round of English Premier League games: 

Calvin & Hobbes predicted Twitter more accurately than we'll ever predict a football match.







Alex:  Alright first up we have Swansea against West Ham, who just completed the signing of Matt Jarvis for 10m (lol).

 Jack:  LOL

 Alex:  Swansea battered QPR last week but West Ham & Fat Sam might be tougher.

 Jack:  West Ham were dominated possession-wise by Villa, but the gangly ginger held the fort and they got a lucky goal to win 1-0

(James Collins)

 Alex:  I can't work out who he plays for any more

Villa or West Ham?

 Jack:  West Ham

 Alex:  he looks exactly the same in both kits

 Jack:  he was very good

LOL

 Alex:  anyway

what do you reckon the score will be for Swansea/West Ham?

 Jack:  2-1 Swans

you?

 Alex:  I'd agree with that. I think their confidence is going to be high after last week. 2-1 Swansea. Next up is your team Villa against Everton

 Jack:  A draw would be good, but after Everton's win last week, i think Villa will be outclassed

 Alex:  I think so too, I'm sorry to say. Everton were bloody impressive against Utd. If Pienaar, Fellaini and Jelavic are on form Villa are in trouble

3-0 Everton.

 Jack:  Yeah, Villa can't get service to Bent, and without Agbonglahor the Bent is lonely up front, 2-0 Everton

 Alex: haha

"Bent is lonely"

I want to see what his latest musings on twitter are. One sec.

Can't wait to get my hands on FIFA 13 after seeing the new front cover released yesterday
— Darren Bent (@DarrenBent) August 21, 2012

Alex: ...great

 Alex:  at least he spelled everything correctly

 Jack:  LOL

oh god, why is he wearing a hat in his profile picture

 Alex:  he's a knob

Man Utd V Fulham

your thoughts?

 Jack:  How Fulham scored five goals last week is beyond me, they are strong in the middle but I think Man U will bounce back

 Alex:  Fulham have a good team, despite the Dempsey saga hanging over them..Dembele is a monster. I hope they don't lose him. That said, Van Persie is starting and Kagawa's pace is going to be a problem for Diarra, so I'd expect Utd to outscore them. 1-0 or 2-1 Utd.

 Jack:  yeah, I'll go 3-2 for United

More after the jump....

Thank You, Clinton Portis

Jack Yang

Clinton Portis is one of my favorite Redskins. I am a football fan in Canada with initially, no real affiliation with any NFL franchise. However, my Dad lives in the D.C. area and by default, I became a Redskins fan. The first few years were a struggle for me as I did not understand the game and no one on the Redskins really caught my eyes. That all changed one day in 2004 when the Redskins acquired Portis from the Denver Broncos for Champ Bailey and a second round pick.

In college, Portis was part of one of the greatest college football teams ever assembled - the 2001 Miami Hurricanes. Portis played three years for the U and cemented his legacy in 2001 with 1200 yards and 10 TDs, finishing with 104 yards and a TD in the national championship Rose Bowl game against Nebraska. It was at the U when Portis was noticed as being an extremely determined player who never gave up on any play. It was also at the U when Portis first began his friendship with eventual Redskins safety Sean Taylor. Drafted 51st overall in the second round by the Broncos, Portis excelled in Mike Shannahan's zone blocking scheme to back to back 1500 yard seasons.

When the Redskins traded for Portis, initial reactions were mixed. Many fans felt that shutdown corners like Champ Bailey were much harder to come by than starting running backs, and the extra second round pick was too much. However I did not know enough about football to fully understand this, and was giddy with excitement at the arrival of a superstar. Then Portis did this on his first carry as a Redskin, and I was in love.

Six reasons why Barca will win La Liga

• Andra Nasrie  (still in Indonesia)

  
  Based on one match against a relatively weak side in Real Sociedad, it's obvious that Tito Vilanova will deliver La Liga for the Blaugrana. Here are six reasons why:
  
  1. Carles Puyol scored - "a bit of a collector's item." (Football Manager aficionados should get that reference). Not only did El Capitan score, he scored the first goal of the La Liga season. If that's not a good omen, I don't know what is.
  
  2. Tiki-taka is back - towards the end of last season, Barca became one dimensional and predictable. Not anymore. Gone is the 3-7-0 formation and the proven 4-3-3 is back. The triangular one-touch passing sequence is back, but much more direct than usual. No dilly-dallying outside the oponent's box, this Barcelona side are ruthless going forward.
  
  3. Super fast wingers - Vilanova's new strategy allow Barca's fast young wingers to flourish. Pedro and Tello somehow always found space to run and take on Sociedad's full backs. Two assists for Tello and a goal for Pedro is evidence enough. Alexis Sanchez and Gerard Deulofeu didn't even have to take the pitch.
  
  4. Messi - still the best player in the world.
  
  5. David Villa rises - the return of the Asturian was marked with a goal. Not only that, the confidence that eluded him last season is back. Brilliant back heels and link up plays with Messi and Iniesta marked a triumphant return for Spain's all-time leading goalscorer.
  
  6. Real Madrid will falter - Mourinho has always been successful in his second season with every club he's managed. But his subsequent seasons pale by comparison. Expect dressing room harmony in Madrid to be less than rosy. After all, they're a bunch of dicks. And they have Pepe.
  
  This is, of course, a tongue-in-cheek article that no betting man should base their opinions on. But my instincts are almost always right. Just ask Alex how much he owes me from footballing wagers. (Anywhere between $5 and $25, is my guess - Alex)

Prediction Time! Rookie QBs

Omid (Jack in Red):

Robert Griffin The Third, the savior of the Redskins, the best player in college football last season (as voted by some people) and a rookie starting QB in the NFL this season. RG3 can be a great quarterback in the league...but not without some changes to his playing style, patience from Redskins fans, the media and the organization, and injury free seasons. Here's what I expect from him this season:

Lets kick off the bashing with his playing style. RG3 is a running QB and that doesn't work in the NFL. He needs to be able to sit in the pocket and make throws to be successful and the only way he can do this is with time and good direction from his coaching staff.

The coaching staff needs to be patient and provide him with a solid defense (check), good receivers (not yet) and a good O-Line (not yet, as seen by the game against the Bears on the 18th) if they want him to become a better pocket-QB. To make things worse he plays in a talented and very competitive division with the likes of Tony Romo, Michael Vick and Eli Manning as the QB's for their respective teams.

Jack agrees mostly, but since the Redskins secondary is so bad, expects RG3 to be let loose on a few occasions. Plus he is a better passer than Vick was at this age.

Stat predictions : 3200 yds, 15 Tds, 18 Int with the Redskins going 4-12. (3000 yds, 20 td, 12 int, 7-9)

Brandon Weeden, second round draft pick by the New York Yankees in 2002. How do you beat that? You go in the 1st round to the Cleveland Browns in 2012 and end up being the oldest 1st round draft pick ever. How do you beat that? You end up being named the starter ahead of Colt McCoy. Well that last one might be a stretch but either way Brandon Weeden is a starting rookie Quarterback this season.

The Cleveland Browns are providing nothing to help Weeden develop as a rookie QB. He has no receivers, his RB is hurt (Trent Richardson, the standout from 'Bama), the O-line is just there and they have to play against the defenses of Pittsburgh, Baltimore and Cincinnati a combined 6 games. If that's not bad enough he also doesn't have a defense that will keep him in games that often.Time to move on to Mr.Weeden himself.

I watched him play in the Fiesta Bowl and boy can this kid throw. He likes sitting in the pocket which is needed to be successful in the NFL. He knows what it's like to play with a good/great WR (Justin Blackmon was his teammate at Oklahoma State) which certainly helps and most importantly he doesn't get rattled. He is older and more mature then all other rookie QB's and that will help him in the tough situation that he has ended up in. The projections are mostly based on the Browns and my expectation that Weeden will not start more than 10 games.

Good: Weeden has one of the best tackles in the game in Joe Thomas to protect his blind side.

Bad: He plays on the Browns, and he is as mobile as Peyton Manning (lol). I hope he has good health insurance because he'll probabily spend more time on the ground than standing up.

Stat predictions : 1900 yds, 8 Tds, 17 Int with the Browns going 2-14.(pretty much, I'll add a few games missed due to injury)

Arsenal Fans - Relax (606 is rubbish)

It's never a clever idea to listen to BBC Radio Five Live's 606. Generally it entails a multitude of aggressively below-average human beings - such as John from Reading or Sue from Milton Keynes - calling in and either complaining or gloating rather sensationally while listening to feedback from Robbie "I was a football player so I don't need to explain my opinions" Savage.

Nevertheless, I listened to the podcast last weekend and was disturbed by one Arsenal fan who seemed to think that a 0-0 draw with Sunderland on the opening day of the season is cause for major alarm.

It wasn't a great performance from the Gunners by any means. A few players stood out. Santi Cazorla showed touches of class, Gervinho was an effective outlet on the left, and (Corporal) Jenkinson showed good attacking intent from right back. They came close to opening the scoring on a couple of occasions but couldn't quite find a breakthrough. The best chance fell to new signing Olivier "I'm sexy as fuck" Giroud, who skewed the opportunity wide of the post, and that one instance of poor composure was enough to make this yokel on 606 question whether the French striker is "good enough for the Premier League". Apparently 20 minutes is more than enough time to formulate an opinion on a new signing. Relax, yokel. Giroud will be fine. Giroud will be better than fine, and will score the goals to prove it. And if he doesn't, at least he's bloody gorgeous.

The same caller also complained (as did the host of the program) that Alexandre Song had departed without Arsenal signing an adequate replacement, ignoring the fact that the Cameroonian's transfer to FC Barcelona was completed after the game ended. RELAX, YOKEL. Arsene Wenger has already stated that he will make a move to replace his most defensive of midfielders. It appears very likely that Nuri Sahin will sign on a season-long loan from Real Madrid. Rest assured that Sahin is an absolutely class act. One doesn't captain Borrusia Dortmund to a league title at the age of 22 without some serious pedigree. The boy can tackle, intercept, has a wonderful range of passing and has a shot on him, too.

Arsenal will bring in one or two more new players before the end of the transfer window to add depth to what is already a strong squad. The wounds from the losses of Robin Van Persie and Alex Dimitri Song Billong will take a little time to heal as the squad reforms, but heal they will. The club faces an Olympian task in usurping the two Manchester clubs and taking the title, but they'll finish between second and fourth which is in-keeping with their financial clout.

The way we consume sports these days is in hyperbolic bite size chunks, and while I'll admit to being as addicted to it as everyone else, I also think it is highly lamentable. But I can't fight it all, so I'll just stick to Arsenal fans. Relax. Be patient. In your darkest moments, think of Eboue. Or this:

Defeat in Glory - Being a Culé

We only started this blog last week, and already we have a global network of writers! Sort of. Here's a contribution all the way from Jakarta, Indonesia, by Andra Nasrie.

I rarely get too excited watching a football match on TV. But on that fine afternoon at O’Grady’s in Toronto I couldn’t hide my delight when Iniesta unleashed that improbable shot to send Chelsea crashing out of the Champions League. I screamed and leapt in joy, hugging anyone within arm’s reach, singing with beverage in hand. I was mes que un fan – more than a fan.

Fast forward two seasons. David Villa curled one past a hapless Edwin van der Sar to deliver the final blow to Manchester United and hand Barcelona their second Champions League in just three years.

Two aesthetically comparable goals, yet one moment trumps the other regardless of their respective occasions.

While Villa’s goal came at a Champions League final, my reaction was no more than a shrug. A mere ‘meh’. This time I watched the game from the couch in my apartment with my roommate who happened to be a Man Utd. fan. After the final whistle, the only physical contact I had from my fellow football fan was a congratulatory handshake.

Barcelona had pretty much swept everything clean in front of them since Guardiola took over in 2008, but that was not necessarily a positive thing.

Barcelona went through periods of instability, of ups and downs, prior to the Guardiola era. They won some and they lost some. There was struggle. There was tension. But more importantly, there was drama.

In the 2009 Champions League semi-final against Chelsea, Barcelona barely had a sniff at Chelsea’s goal until Iniesta’s late strike. Today, Barcelona spend the majority of their time in the opponent’s half. It has become too predictable, too monotonous. La Liga too, suffers from the same.

Have Barcelona and Real Madrid become too powerful? Is La Liga not as strong as it was some ten years ago when it could boast names such as Gaizka Mendieta, Albert Luque and Alexander Mostovoi as players hailing from outside the big two?

Perhaps the simple answer to both questions is yes. Anything lower than an otherwise ungodly 90 points for Barcelona or Real Madrid in a La Liga season would be deemed a disaster. The power gap between the big two and the rest is far too large. It’s quite distressing to realise that Radamel Falcao is perhaps currently the only superstar to ply his trade outside the big two in La Liga.

You can’t fault Barca or Real for striving to be as successful as they can be. Sure, they eat up the larger slices of the La Liga TV money pie and command some of the largest global support ever. From Jamaica to Japan, you’d be hard pressed not to find some kid wearing a replica Messi or Ronaldo jersey.

But can’t things go back to the good old days?

It sickens me to meet glory supporters at every turn who have no knowledge beyond Messi or Fabregas. The more these people exist, the more Barca or Real, or even the most successful clubs in Europe, will have a stranglehold over their less-famed rivals. In order to bring the drama back into modern football, the figurative playing field needs some leveling.

I realise I’m being somewhat hypocritical. I am neither from Barcelona or even Spain, but I’m a cule. I love and have loved FC Barcelona since Guardiola, Koeman and Romario donned the blaugrana jersey in the early ‘90s. I’ve been through the peaks and troughs with them. I was a Barca fan way before it was cool.

But I dream of a football utopia where clubs can only receive local support. Supporting a team other than the one from your hometown would be illegal. There would be only two ways one can watch a football game: you could go to your club’s stadium or turn on the local TV station. Matches would not be broadcast outside each local jurisdiction. Only then would football get its soul back and cease to be the global commercial machine that it is today.

I know this scenario is not beneficial to a lifelong Barca fan like me. But imagine how much more exciting La Liga would be if Barcelona were equally as strong as Real Madrid, Real Sociedad, Granada and the other 14 clubs competing. I’d pay to see that. Except I can’t. So I’ll have to illegally stream matches from a dodgy Chinese website.